sleepnever.com

So my road trip to Northern Wisconsin with Verbos, Josip and Rye $ to shoot The Butcher’s Daughter started off just as one might imagine…

chock full of meat

and cheese

and cheese curds

and adult movies featuring an abundance of anal sex scenes.

That is until I was kidnapped and held hostage by a group of drunk Croatian hunters

who forced me to dress in blaze

and eat venison goulash at gunpoint.

They made me listen to croatian pop music and memorize the lyrics to a song called “Pussy Queen.”

They ordered me to sing their national anthem

and pray to a poorly painted statuette of some hollow-eyed woman wrapped in a bed sheet.

Two nights and three days after my capture I was finally able to escape when my captors left to get some cheese blintzes from the “Pollock restaurant” down the road.

I was delirious and naked, drunk on pig cheek and sharp cheddar, when I made my way to the home of some hospitable Shriners who fed me jerky and Pro-Life propaganda, clothed me and prayed to the dead woman they had hidden in their bathroom to heal my tormented soul.

These photos I snapped with my false eyeball spy cam are all I have to identify my captors with. So if you recognize any of the masked men seen galavanting around with loaded weapons in the previous photo set, or find any the following locations/items familiar, please contact the Necedah, Wisonsin Sheriff’s Department at (608) 565-2404.

Free at last,
kostrzak