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Saw this guy getting wrapped and rolled out of the venue and spent the drive back to Palm Springs discussing the possibilities of what it was that inspired him get naked in the first place.

1. Too many caps. Too many stems.

2. Too much acid.

3. Too much ecstasy.

4. PCP

5. He simply forgot his clothes.

6. He’s simply batshit crazy. (Though one could also say that you’re the crazy one. It’s 110 degrees and you’re wearing a fucking coonskin cap.)

7. He planned the whole thing just so he could get tazed by cops. He loves it! It’s his thing. The Naked Guy drives to public places where he knows there will be a huge police presence, drops his drawers and taunts them. The cops wrestle, punch, kick, mace and taze The Naked Guy then throw him in jail where The Naked Guy prays for a midnight gang rape. The Naked Guy gets out of jail and streaks again. Repeat.

8. Franz Ferdinand. They play that one awesome bass line so incredibly well that he just couldn’t help himself.

9. The Naked Guy came to the venue naked with the middle-aged guy who was dressed like a party clown all weekend, and spent the entire drive to the venue trying to talk party clown out of wearing his clown suit.

NAKED GUY
I’m telling you it’s not a good idea, dude. Clowns freak people out. Especially people on drugs.

PARTY CLOWN
Wrongo, buddy! Everybody love clowns!
(honking horn)
And you’re one to talk. I think you should consider covering that thumb dick of yours. Nobody likes to party with “The Naked Guy.”

NAKED GUY
Are you kidding me?! People love “The Naked guy!”

Party Clown and The Naked Guy get out of the car and we know what happens next.

10. He was frozen alive in prehistoric times. The vibration from My Bloody Valentine’s sound check opened up the San Andreas Fault, the heat from the molten lava below unfroze him and he climbed out of the belly of the earth in 2009 where it is no longer cool to be “The Naked Guy.” (Though I’m sure they’d love him at Burning Man.)

11. In another dimension he’s clothed.

*Thanks to Nael Shehade for his eagle eye and aim. Clown by Joe Mud. Franz Ferdinand quip by Dan Tice.