Tag Archive for 'ambien'

‘THE LAST ROAD TRIP’ WRAP UP: 14 THINGS I LEARNED ON TOUR

1. You get used to the smell.

2. OCD neat freaks need not apply. I was broken in the first week. You can only wash your hands so many times a day when there’s no fresh running water to be found.

3. It’s all about the little things: sheets, fresh socks, underwear, vegetables, bottled water, a decent slice of turkey, hummus, ice and Swiss cheese.

4. Hide your drugs and your clean socks. There are thieves among you and they’re not looking for money. They’re artists.

5. Starbucks consistently has the cleanest bathrooms and best service of any chain business in this twisted country, hands down. Use to loathe its domination of the American coffee shop industry until I began to depend upon it. Awakened in the worst of psychological and/or physiological states, I could dial it into the GPS and inevitably find that a smile replaced my sleepless grimace by the time the first blast of Starbucks’s sub zero air conditioning caressed my face.

6. This country really is fat and eating healthy in most places is nearly impossible.

7. Most luxury hotel chains have sinks big enough to shower in.

8. Jerking off in the bathroom of moving tour bus is more work than it’s worth.

9. Taking Ambien to sleep after drinking is not encouraged. Side effects include sleep walking, which can also lead to sleep peeing, and if you’re sleeping in the bunk next to the bathroom, beware.

10. Those sleeping in the top bunks will most likely be the first to die when your hillbilly bus driver, high on speed and cheap whiskey, careens off the road somewhere between Spokane and Boise.

11. In some cities you can walk for miles and not find a drug store or a place to buy shampoo or toothpaste. This is true in Salt Lake City, Denver and Kansas City.

12. The war on drugs is not working, has never worked, and will never work.

13. When asking locals for directions, the lower the population, the closer the inhabitants think everything is to where you are. When you ask a guy at Waffle House how far Walmart is, he’ll inevitably tell you it’s half the distance of what it is in reality. As a rule use, this simple equation 2 x everything. 4 blocks = 8 blocks, 1 mile = 2 miles and so on.

14. Even people who’ve never made it past their city limits, hate LA or love LA and seem to know everything about it. Everybody has an opinion on it. In a world of uncertainty, it seems at times, that this is the one thing people are certain about. I blame it all on ‘The Hills.’