Tag Archive for 'bush'

With Halloween Spirit: Some Things That Scare Me


Though some of these may read as petty annoyances. It’s the larger implications that some of the items on this list may have on the world at large that scare me. My fear is real. So without further ado…

Being buried alive.

Being burned alive.

Being attacked by a shark.

Drowning after being tied up, attached to an anchor and thrown overboard.

Being attacked by a shark while drowning.

Obama’s infomercial

McCain’s everything

Gary Busey

Following a pattern.

Becoming part of a cycle.

Dying in some lame household accident like slipping in the tub or falling off a chair and breaking my neck while trying to change a lightbulb.

The fact that we don’t have the right to die with dignity in this country.

Justin Bobby’s hold on Audrina. It’s otherworldly.

That my once-atheist father got baptized at an alternative church a couple of weeks ago.

Elderly east side Armenian men. They don’t’ say much. They just sit and play backgammon and chain smoke cigars and give me strange looks when I walk by. When I say ‘hi,’ they turn away. I have to wonder what they’re planning.

Homophobes

Racists

Florida

Anybody in a cult other than Santeria.

Girls that can’t walk in high heels, but still wear them.

Feet

Priests

Germs

People who are sick and shake your hand without telling you first.

Impotence

Parkinson’s

Altzheimer’s

Dementia in general unless self-induced.

Springheel Jack

Stupid and/or violent people breeding.

People that get married because that’s ‘just what you do.’

Most people

Bush’s last stand, specifically the special-ops actions in Syria and bombings in Pakistan. And even though I’ll be totally stooping to his level when I do this, I’m going to punch that motherfucker in the face if I ever get the chance. I don’t care if he’s 80 years old. I’ll wait until some library dedication ceremony, put out my hand like I wanna shake his, do a switcheroo and give him a big fat knuckle sandwich. And when he’s on the ground holding his face, going ‘what’d you do that for?!” I’m going to loom over, point in his face and say, “that one’s for America motherfucker. That one’s for the world!”

The ease with which people can consitently lie to each other’s faces.

That Fallout Boy is still wildly popular amongst alternateens. Their new single is like an emo ZZ Top light as if produced by Jermaine Dupri. WTF? Seriously?

The man dressed in black that I lucid dream about who sits across the room from me in my old school desk chair and watches me sleep. He’s been sitting there for years and refuses to leave sometimes, even when I turn on the light.

Crackheads when they’re looking to score.

Methheads when they run out of shit to do.

People who paint their bodies and faces in their favorite sport’s team’s colors and attend sporting events.

Drunk soldiers

AA

Aspartame

Spray tans

And people who use the world ‘chic.’

Questions of the Day for June 5, 2008

Some easily answered.

None profound.

But questions all the same.

1. Does Chelsea Clinton make apologies for her mother’s insanity behind closed doors?

2. How is George Clinton still alive after smoking crack for 20 years straight? (I saw him at the opening of the new Zune venue and he looks better than me.)

3. WHY is George Bush still alive?

Answer: The type of people that assassinate political figures are the type of people that vote FOR Bush, not against him.

4. Will reports by the EPA make their way to the public unmolested now that George Bush has admitted that global warming exists?

5. Am I losing my mind or is Mauro’s Cafe (Fred Segal) cutting down the size of their prosciutto sandwich? (They definitely shorted me on the meat.)

6. What did I say to the people I drunk dialed Saturday night?

7. How hot was Sharon Tate?

8. Why do people bring their dogs shopping?

9. Is LA the only city where people bring their dogs shopping? (In France I’ve seen poodles on planes.)

10. Why don’t people bring animals besides dogs shopping? (Scratch that — I saw a rabbit in a grocery cart in Food-For-Less wrapped up in baby clothes once).

11. Why do people continue to breed and purchase pitbulls?

12. Has hope for stability and contentment replaced the American dream?

13. Will my landlord ever raise my rent?

14. Does John McCain really not know the difference between Sunnis and Shiites?

15. Why do I feel sad that Ed McMahon is no longer laughing?

16. Is “This American Life” better on the radio or as a television series or is there room for both?

17. Are there enough universally interesting American lives to keep up that kind of pace?

18. Why do I feel a sick pleasure in the fact that GM is failing?

19. Is it anti-American to feel this way? Or am I just being haunted by that John Cougar “Our Country” ad campaign they did a few years back?

20. “Our country?” Whose country?

21. Genius or pathetic that an American corporation’s boardroom-produced idea of patriotism can elicit guilt in people let alone convince them to buy a domestic-made product over a more practical and efficient one built overseas that they originally wanted more?

22. What is the ultimate apocalypsemobile?

23. Has Gaspar Noe made any films since “Irreversible?”

24. Whatever happened to the band “Jellyfish?”

25. Will activism replace apathy with the latest return of psychedelic music and culture, or will the neuvo-hippy kids continue to focus their energy on collecting feathers to decorate their Burning Man bikes?

26. Did the forces behind the making of “the Boys and Girls Guide to Getting Down” really think the Cahuenga Pass was a creatively satisfying, timeless and important enough subject to produce/create/invest money in a film about it, or did they think LA hipster culture was a hot enough topic that they could get a return on their investment no matter how lame the film turned out in the end?

27. Why do people on myspace keep asking me if I want to know how much I’m worth?

28. Is this guy for real?

29. Will civilian spaceflights ever be truly “affordable” in my lifetime?

30. Who watches the Olympics?

31. Is there still as much corruption in the Los Angeles judicial system as there was back in the days of the Roman Polanski rape trial?

32. Which portion of the brain controls man’s fear of heights, or is it a combination of two or more?

33. And do genetics factor in?

34. Were any of the Flying Wallendas afraid of heights?

35. What now?