Tag Archive for 'colin powell'

Hero of the Week

Colin Powell

Though he was still holding onto the whole “well from the information provided us by the intelligence community” BS as a reason for going into Iraq, I’m stoked he’s endorsing Barack. Could be the key to swaying that elusive war-monger, swing-voter contingent into Barack’s court.

No fear, he nailed on “Meet The Press” Sunday. Took the truth head on. It’s not like he can redeem himself completely, but it’s a step in the right direction and I’m lovin’ this bear of a man right now.

Thing is he’s no Spring chicken and this happens when people get old, when they see death winking at them. They get soft and scared. Even the most robot cock stubborn shits start apologizing, praying and acting human again.

My father, general blue-collar badass, lifelong atheist and despiser of the Catholic church, just got baptized at some non-denominational “alternative” church. Bapfuckingtized?!

Dude slid the announcement in between breathes about the Bears game and a one of his usual declarations of lust for Beyonce Knowles as if he was dropping the time.

He’s old, 73, so blue-collar 103, and lives in some palatial retirement super-subdivision outside Chicago. At first he played it off as some weekend social event that got out of hand, but I wasn’t buying it. My father’s never been a follower, and he’s a big guy. It’s not like his geriatric frat buddies could hold him down and make him take a hit off the holy water bong. He had to want it.

When he told me I was in a state of shock, speechless. My immediate instinct was to call the nurse to make sure he wasn’t abusing his meds. The idea that, after 73 years on earth, the old man may be looking for some “savior” scares the hell out of me. He’s been on death’s door for about 5 years straight. He has diabetes, had cancer, multiple heart failures, and a quintuple bi-pass, lost a kidney, and was on dialysis until only a few months ago. I’m missing a few things here, but is this any reason to get baptized?!

I’ve seen death and it’s not that scary. Fuck the crutches and the wings.

And besides the pseudo-spiritual implications of this mess, what the fuck are we going to talk about at dinner when I visit if we’re not ragging on the greed and perversion of the Catholic church and the evils of organized religion?

Next he’ll tell me he’s voting for McCain.

And I’ll dose his Metamusil with Rohypnol and Ketamine, take his other kidney and sell it on the black market to raise even more money for the Obama campaign.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. Just kidding old man!!!!!

Instead, dear old dad’s going to share Hero of the Week with Colin Powell because he got baptized at some goofy hippy church and as per usual doesn’t give a shit what anybody thinks about it.

That’s my amazing mother on the right.