Tag Archive for 'Limp Bizkit Reunion'

Bust Out Your Red Caps and Your Rape Kits! Limp Bizkit is Back!

With the world economy in the dumper, GM about 10 seconds from “Turning Japanese,” the stimulus plan a fog for anybody that doesn’t have time to read 1,588 pages this week, Bin Laden and Chris Brown still on the loose, pirates snatching ships out of the water like rubber duckies, Afghan civilian deaths up by 40% this year, Facebook attempting to steal pictures of all of us half-naked and drunk to sell to as part of some filthy corporate ad campaign and that kook bag octomom stashing the duckets she’s stealing from our cash-strapped state under her worn out mattress for a rainy day when she’s “lonely” and feels like popping out another gang of welfare children, Limp Bizkit getting back together has somehow become the news items that’s brought me the most sincere and inescapable grief.

Just what we need in a time of socio-economic crisis and war, more music to rape to, as if the world wasn’t fucked up enough. Why use your fame and talent to enlighten the masses when you can write songs about slutty girls, Bentleys and breaking stuff.

So they’re from Florida, an easy target and I know that being a “hater” dates me, but I am honestly having a hard time finding peace today knowing Fred fucking Durst is on stage somewhere jumping around in a track suit screaming “I did it all for the Nookie.” But why? Am I harboring some latent violent jock rock, rape-loving, homophobic, backwards fitted baseball cap-wearing douchebag tendencies I don’t know about?

Or is it just an extension of my masochistic intrigue with broadcast society porn like “The Real World” and “The Real Housewives of Orange County?” The first step is admitting there’s a problem and I’ve already done that. In fact, in an attempt to regain control of my possessed brain, I went to bed last night like the old days, with a copy of Tin House on my chest and no TV in sight.

BUT IT’S NO USE! I came to reading Tweets on the Limp Bizkit homepage.

Fred Durst
There are two sides to every coin.. same coin.. just a little different on each side unless its a chucky cheese token
02/18/09 06:26 from TwitterBerry

I’m in OC rehearsing with Camp Freddy - Dave Navaro and Mark McGrath say hello!!
02/18/09 12:19 from TwitterBerry

Sam Rivers
Everything we love we tend to hate and everything we hate we tend to love!!!
02/17/09 11:35 from web

DJ Lethal
Goodnight lb army!!! you make my life worth living!! peace!!!
02/17/09 09:22 from web

Camp Freddy?! Jesus… LB Army? Why not? Let’s do it. Let’s draft their savage, low IQ fans and send the band as a USO act overseas to entertain and provide a soundtrack for murder in distant corners of the world far away from our own so we don’t have to hear them.

Am I a dick? Yes.

But if you’ve somehow forgotten how truly bad Fred Durst and Co. are check out this horrible Bizkitized mash-up of “Home Sweet Home” by Motley Crue and The Verve’s “Bittersweet Symphony.”

That’s right. You heard me correctly: Motley Crue, Limp Bizkit and The Verve.

Grab your headphones and a bucket…

Nightmares returning yet? If not, see if the lyrics to “Nookie” ring a bell.

Came into this world as a reject
Look into these eyes
Then you’ll see the size of these flames
Dwellin on the past
Its burnin’ up my brain
Everyone that burns has to learn from the pain

Hey I think about the day
My girlie ran away with my pay
When fellas come to play
No she stuck with my homeez that she fucked
And I’m just a sucker with a lump in my throat
Hey, like a chump

Should I be feelin’ bad? No
Should I be feelin good? No
Its kinda sad I’m the laughin’ stock of the neighborhood
You would think that I’d be movin’ on
But I’m a sucker like I said
Fucked up in the head, not!!

Maybe she just made a mistake
I should give her a break
My heart will ache either way
Hey, what the hell
Watcha want me to say
I wont lie that I cant deny

[Chorus]
I did it all for the nookie
C’mon
The nookie
C’mon
So you can take that cookie
And stick it up your, yeah!!
Stick it up your, yeah!!
Stick it up your, yeah!!

Can’t somebody crazy rich and socially conscious like Richard Branson save us from this mess? Dip into his bottomless pit of cash, outbid the tour promoters and pay Limp Bizkit not to play a reunion tour?!

It’s happening people. Like it or not Limp Bizkit is coming to a town near you.

So it’s no longer my problem.

It’s OUR problem.