Well thanks BBC morning news scroll, but we totally got that memo back in 1884.
It was entitled ‘?ber Coca’ and it written by a wacky brilliant Austrian named Sigmund Freud.
These days we call it ‘cocaine,’ and it’s a powder, not a spray.
And every decade people forget how it turned the previous generation of cocaine users into chatty, slutty, limp dick, broke fucks with bad hearts, receding gums and decaying nasal cavities.
So to future consumers, when you find yourself holed up in some minimalist boutique hotel room in Miami crying to perfect strangers at 7 am about how your father never loved you, don’t call me. I’ll be sleeping.
And to the ’scientists,’ whatever it is you think you found, please keep it for yourselves, but do remember if it wasn’t for the ‘fear of social interaction’ many of you wouldn’t have jobs in the first place.
