sleepnever.com

Some easily answered.

None profound.

But questions all the same.

1. Does Chelsea Clinton make apologies for her mother’s insanity behind closed doors?

2. How is George Clinton still alive after smoking crack for 20 years straight? (I saw him at the opening of the new Zune venue and he looks better than me.)

3. WHY is George Bush still alive?

Answer: The type of people that assassinate political figures are the type of people that vote FOR Bush, not against him.

4. Will reports by the EPA make their way to the public unmolested now that George Bush has admitted that global warming exists?

5. Am I losing my mind or is Mauro’s Cafe (Fred Segal) cutting down the size of their prosciutto sandwich? (They definitely shorted me on the meat.)

6. What did I say to the people I drunk dialed Saturday night?

7. How hot was Sharon Tate?

8. Why do people bring their dogs shopping?

9. Is LA the only city where people bring their dogs shopping? (In France I’ve seen poodles on planes.)

10. Why don’t people bring animals besides dogs shopping? (Scratch that — I saw a rabbit in a grocery cart in Food-For-Less wrapped up in baby clothes once).

11. Why do people continue to breed and purchase pitbulls?

12. Has hope for stability and contentment replaced the American dream?

13. Will my landlord ever raise my rent?

14. Does John McCain really not know the difference between Sunnis and Shiites?

15. Why do I feel sad that Ed McMahon is no longer laughing?

16. Is “This American Life” better on the radio or as a television series or is there room for both?

17. Are there enough universally interesting American lives to keep up that kind of pace?

18. Why do I feel a sick pleasure in the fact that GM is failing?

19. Is it anti-American to feel this way? Or am I just being haunted by that John Cougar “Our Country” ad campaign they did a few years back?

20. “Our country?” Whose country?

21. Genius or pathetic that an American corporation’s boardroom-produced idea of patriotism can elicit guilt in people let alone convince them to buy a domestic-made product over a more practical and efficient one built overseas that they originally wanted more?

22. What is the ultimate apocalypsemobile?

23. Has Gaspar Noe made any films since “Irreversible?”

24. Whatever happened to the band “Jellyfish?”

25. Will activism replace apathy with the latest return of psychedelic music and culture, or will the neuvo-hippy kids continue to focus their energy on collecting feathers to decorate their Burning Man bikes?

26. Did the forces behind the making of “the Boys and Girls Guide to Getting Down” really think the Cahuenga Pass was a creatively satisfying, timeless and important enough subject to produce/create/invest money in a film about it, or did they think LA hipster culture was a hot enough topic that they could get a return on their investment no matter how lame the film turned out in the end?

27. Why do people on myspace keep asking me if I want to know how much I’m worth?

28. Is this guy for real?

29. Will civilian spaceflights ever be truly “affordable” in my lifetime?

30. Who watches the Olympics?

31. Is there still as much corruption in the Los Angeles judicial system as there was back in the days of the Roman Polanski rape trial?

32. Which portion of the brain controls man’s fear of heights, or is it a combination of two or more?

33. And do genetics factor in?

34. Were any of the Flying Wallendas afraid of heights?

35. What now?